Obama’s Inauguration Speech – Alternative Version

By Anton Wahlman

My fellow Americans, change has arrived in Washington.  Not as much in
the area of foreign policy and homeland defense, because I realize
that my predecessor and distant cousin Dick Cheney had it right in the
hours and days following 9/11 when he set this great Republic on a war
footing to defeat the enemy and protect the homeland.  Seeing as I
would rather not have another 9/11 – or worse – on my watch, the
change will come primarily in the area of economic policy, where my
predecessor presided over many failures and set a dangerous course for
this country, particularly in the last year.

My new administration promises a clean break with the failed policies
of the past.  In the last eight years, government spending grew to new
heights, from $2 trillion per year to over $4 trillion this year.
This stratospheric rise in the growth of the US government’s burden on
the people is nothing less than a crime against our beloved
constitution and the intent of the Fathers of the 1776 Declaration of
Independence.  In recent times, the US government has failed to impose
on itself any of the restraints that have made this country so special
for so long.

To the contrary, the US government is now engaged in a long list of
activities and spending not authorized by our most fundamental
governing document.  Working with Congress, I will seek to restore the
US government to its constitutional limits in my first year in office.
What this means in practice is a rapid shut-down of all government
departments except the Departments of Justice, Defense and Homeland
Security.  This means that all these other unconstitutional creations
of the 20th century, such as the Departments of Education, Energy,
Commerce, Health and Human Affairs, Interior will all cease operations
in this glorious year of 2009.

The Federal government’s budget deficit, which the first time exceeds
$1 trillion, will also be eliminated this year.  Yet, I will also
abolish all of the destructive and unjust taxes that have mushroomed
over the last 95 years in particular: the income tax, the death tax,
the capital gains tax, the corporate tax and the dividend tax.  These
tax cuts will once again make the US economy competitive with the
countries around the world where economic growth and liberty has
recently exceeded our own.

My first budget, which I intend to deliver to Congress already this
afternoon in the hope of a speedy approval, will authorize total
Federal expenses of less than $1 trillion over the next year, which is
an amount ten times greater than President John F. Kennedy’s 1961
budget.  This will fund an efficient Federal judiciary, our military
defense, and the ongoing war against terrorism.

What the new budget will not do, because it is being returned to its
constitutional limitations, is to send checks – to anybody or
anything.  If you or your company has an addiction to receiving money
from the government, this will be the year when you sober up.  It will
not matter whether you are rich, poor or in-between – the time of
government spending money on you are now over.  Every single
government program providing services or sending out checks, will come
to an end.  You and your company will live in the freedom of keeping
what you earn and receive in voluntary help from your friends, family
and any charitable institutions, but the mirror image of this blessing
of freedom is that government will not support anybody or anything.  I
am breaking the back on welfare state dependency and entitlement by
going cold turkey on all recipients, large and small.

This restoration of the constitutional legitimacy of the US government
will be funded by a simple flat tax on US adults: At $1 trillion in
total annual Federal expenses, a number which may end up even lower,
it represents a flat $5,000 tax on each of our 200 million US adults.
There will no longer be any need to file an income tax return, keeping
any receipts, paying a tax preparer, or equivalent.  This flat $5,000
tax will be due in monthly installments of $417, equivalent of $13.70
per day.

I expect the impact on the economy from this simple flax tax to be
profound.  People will be able to work as much as they want, and
invest in any way they want, knowing that every incremental dollar
they earn will be theirs to keep.  All of the lost productivity
resulting from tax-avoidance and the administration associated with
corporate payrolls, will remain with us only in the form of an
unpleasant memory, similar to the memories of living behind the Iron
Curtain and Berlin Wall before 1989.  Small business will be able to
form without any bureaucratic hassle.  The entrepreneurial spirit will
be unshackled from all red tape, bureaucracy and tax disincentives.

My plan to cut over 75% of all Federal government expenses, and fund
the remainder with a flat $5,000 tax, will also help cure political
corruption in Washington DC.  Lobbyists come to us because we have
money to spend, and they seek to maximize their share of the pie.  My
cold turkey approach to restoring the US government to its
constitutionally legitimate size will make almost all lobbyists
obsolete: If the size of the pie is zero, there is nothing for which
you can lobby.

So in closing, I can say with confidence that the 75% or greater
reduction in size of the US government will bring about a rebirth of
the era of freedom, rugged individualism and self-reliance.  It will
allow the US government to focus on its constitutionally narrow
purpose of securing the property rights of our individual citizens,
and to protect our country from those who seek to do us harm.  This
focus will enable us to perform these duties better.  With this, I
salute our constitution, our Founders and our Declaration of
Independence.  Now let’s get on with it.  Thank you, and God Bless
America.